I wonder if I'm going absolutely crazy or am I just making excuses? I feel like I am trapped because I can't tell anyone about what is going on. They all have known him; they see him in pictures too. How could a parent really be that bad? Sometimes I wonder that too. Does his demeanor change because he realizes that I'm there too? Or does it just do that randomly? Why did he change his attitude when he was talking on the phone? He was becoming so enraged by someone else's life but as soon as I made a sound he said he only cares about his immediate family. I don't know what to believe. People close always tell me to be careful; they recommend making a schedule. Should I stalk my own stalker? Why am I always told to modify my behavior to accommodate abuse? Last night is still playing in my head. Should I have been kinder? Should I have just shut my mouth? I was walking to the bathroom, towel, and shower caddy in hands when he was staring at me from his doorway. He said hello as did I. But then something changed at that moment. His entire demeanor changed in a snap. He perked up and dragged out that fucking chair. He planted himself and started to ask about my day as if he did not just see me walk into the bathroom. Did he really not notice or was he just being ignorant? I had two choices; postpone my shower to have a conversation or continue with my plans. Why do I have to feel pressured to put myself aside to give attention to someone else? I chose to set my boundaries. I will not be pressured to stop my fucking world simply because someone else wandered into the room. I know I just need to hang on a little longer, but I'm hanging on by my teeth.
Tune in next week to see if the Violent Femme continues to be violent.
No comments:
Post a Comment