haunting me

I want to stop haunting my own life.

I feel so overwhelmed. It's like I'm not myself and everyone around me has such a skewed version of me in their minds. I'm so tired of being everyone's pixie girl. I'm not some fucking magical being. I don't want people to "meet the new me". I'm still the same person I've always been but evolving. There was never a morning when I woke up and just decided to be someone else. And yet whenever I try to communicate these feelings of loss I am met with confusion. As if I should cling to the persona I used to embody. Why can't I evolve?

"I'm not responsible for the version of me that is created in your mind"

bubble burst

This hurts so bad and I can't even tell you

I can't even tell you that what she said about my body has had me counting calories and skipping meals for months. Who would love a girl who does that to herself? I can't even tell you how sad I feel every day, because you have your own problems to deal with. How could I want you to come to me with your sadness if I have too much of my own? Or how about how some days I feel so numb all I can do is lay in bed? No, you wouldn't love a girl who can't fight for herself. I feel like a failure and I won't dare tell you that. How could I break the image you have of me?

I can't even finish this