you felt obligated to love me

You would always argue with me. You called it a friendly debate but my goodness you just had to be fucking right. I would crumble under your pressure. I became too scared to even have an opinion. If I couldn't back it up properly, what is the point? I dug my way to your roots and held on for life. I wanted to be just like you. I just wanted you to love me. I didn't want to argue with you. You hated my friends. Why hang out with people you constantly complain about? Because they were my friends. I guess you wouldn't understand. You would never want to go out with them so I stopped going out with them too. Why hang out with people I constantly complain about? You always told me how horribly my family treated me, so they had to go too. Baby there's no one left but you. I just needed you to listen to me and be fucking present. Your friends were more important. You always gave me shit for not wanting to see your family, but how many dinners did you ever come to with my mother? Always a double fucking standard with you. Any and every time I complained or bitched about something you just had to fix it. Always putting your two cents in. Maybe I just wanted to be heard. But the ocean in your eyes swallowed me whole. You made me so fucking anxious. I always felt like I was doing the wrong thing because I was going against you. You're not in my fucking head. You never paid attention. But my god when it came to other boys you were always the first to say they were in love with me, only wanted to fuck me, just wanted to use me. So I built a wall around us. No one could get me but you. Isn't that right? But when I pointed out the same you were so fucking quick to deny it. You just couldn't see it . You just didn't want to believe it. Silly girl, never appreciating the advice. I didn't need you to fix me. I always say, I will ask for help when I need it . And here I am yet again asking for your help only to be turned down because you had something better to do. You say I don't deserve this, and yet you are just like the others you are so quick to judge. I hope you fall off that fucking pedestal and burn like the rest of us.