Set my world ablaze, watch me burn

Do you ever think about the first time you told me that you loved me? My head started to spin. Oh fuck no. You don't love me at all. Because if you did, you would have fucking fought for me. You would always say I was such a hot commodity, always bragging about how you had me before you did. You said you didn't want your clingy-ness to drive me away? Well it did. You held my hair back plenty of times but do you even know why I dyed it purple? Probably not. Do you know why I cut it so short when I was thirteen? Nah, you didn't know anything about that Jess. You only liked me when I was sad, because you never got to know the happy Jess. I showed you my scars and you never bat a fucking eye. You never got to know the suicidal Jess either. But you did fucking know about how I feel towards my body. And what did you do? You still made comments that clawed at my fucking soul. It's alright honey, I know you didn't meant them. But I won't forget. Ya know what my favorite memory of you is? When you came to visit me at work that one and only time because "it would be awful if I was 40 feet away from Jess and didn't go visit her". During our conversation you admitted that you barely fucking listened to me. You just nod along and kiss me during lulls. The universe aligned right then for me because you knew nothing about me. You marveled at the fact that I had interests, but you never took note of what they actually were. I become so frustrated when I think about you because you just lied to me the whole fucking time. You saw something you wanted, I crumbled, you took it. And I fucking let you.

Goodbye Genny.

It was six years ago today we lost her soul. For some reason this year has been so hard for me to deal with this. I am constantly looking for her; I'm waiting to hear her voice. I want her to rip right through me so I know she's there. I miss her so fucking much. But the past few years around this time weren't so bad. Maybe it's just the stress of actually doing adult things. I still feel guilty that she never got a proper burial- a proper funeral even. I just want to say goodbye to her all over again. God dammit where is she? Why hasn't she come back to tell us she's okay? I'm starting to think that heaven isn't real.

Fuck your Valentine

My oh my here we are again.

I had a whole speech prepared, but christ on a cracker, you are not worth it.

You don't deserve to know how I feel about you now.

Six years doesn't heal shit, just leaves the wound gaping

I wish I could have known her in life.
I only know her in death.
Staring at her pictures I feel like she's with me
My memory of her is all wrong because I've imagined most of it
I dreamt of her once. And only once.
We were reunited one last time after she passed.
I got to hug her goodbye and tell her I loved her.
That dream still haunts me because I wish it would happen again.
That woman gave me everything and I wish I wish I wish I wish
I could have done the same.
Six years doesn't heal shit.
Just gives me a better outlook on life and death
I'll never get to know her or anything about her
All I have left is an old rosary that I just won't part with
Genny, my love, if you're out there, please visit me in my dreams
Let me tell you how much I love you and miss you.
I'm being crushed underneath the weight of this grief.

Tu me manque.

You didn't want me

I was a falling star heading straight for you
As you saw me coming down your arms were
Wide open ready to catch me
But as I got closer and closer you realized
How much it would hurt both of us upon impact
So you moved out of the way to avoid me
You saved yourself but I hit the ground
Face fucking first